I haven’t written much since we settled into Swaziland. To back track a little, we arrived last Wednesday, July 7. We spent the night at our normal hotel…the Lugogo Sun. The next morning our rental car was delivered and we were off to Canaan with Laura, Riley & Wyatt Moss. We settled into Nkonyeni Lodging for the next four nights. Tom & I spend our days walking the property, roping off the size of the 1st Baby Home building, and tried to visualize just how all of this will look. At first glance, Canaan is massive and so beautiful….2500 acres. After we realized we had to just focus on our Phase I site, we began to see some of God’s plan. In one of the beautiful valley’s on the property, we began to see how each home could be nestled in this valley….all warm and cozy. It would be a new world for many children to actually have a bed to sleep in, a blanket to cover them, food to eat and someone to care for them. I had to let go of all the “how’s, if’s, don’t knows” I was feeling and trust that God would show us as we take each day at a time. If HE didn’t have it figured out, HFA would not have this land. We spent time at the farm house, getting to know our Kenyan friends better: Kaleili, Caroline, Dennis, Joshua and Anthony. They even prepared a traditional Kenya meal for us before we let Maci teach us a few things on the “dance” floor. This fun evening ended with watching Mrs. Doubtfire projected on the farmhouse wall. It was truly a surreal night.
We checked out of Nkonyeni on Monday, July 12, 2010. We were back to the Lugogo for the duration of our stay. Yesterday, Tom & I were off early in the morning to see an actually Baby Home in operation in Bulembu (I can finally say it). We weren’t sure what we were in for or what we were actually supposed to absorb except space for the babies, how many in a room, how was it organized and who were the primary caregivers and how did their shifts run? I was still in the visual mode from the planning we had been brainstorming about on Canaan…Measurements of rooms, space for children to hang out, how was the laundry done, clothe or disposable diapers, what were they fed….
Let me back up a minute. First of all, Tom & I decided we would find this place on our own. We had very little trouble with a little guidance from Ruth Boys from Bulembu. What we didn’t expect was the drive from Piggs Peak to Bulembu. It was a rocky, winding dirt road that took us through an amazing change of scenery. At times we felt like we were driving through the Red Wood Forest in Big Sur, California. Swaziland is beautiful anyway but this was a part of the country I had never seen and I’m so glad we made that drive. Bulembu is quite unique. It was previous an asbestos mining town from the early 1930′s to 1990′s. When the mines were shut down, this town was for purchase. Some entrepreneurs bought it out of bankruptcy and it was donated for the use of this christian organization.
We drove up on a chilly day. It was a beautiful place….very tranquil! We sat and talked for hours with the founders of the ABC Home (Abandoned Babies for Christ), Robyn and Gerry as well as Ruth Boys. They were so passionate about what they had been doing since Robyn took in her first baby that was left on her doorsteps 14 years ago and how the Lord just kept placing these babies on her and Gerry’s heart. They gave us anwers to all our questions as to how they ran their home then gave us a tour. What amazed me first, while we had been talking, it was quiet for a home full of 33 babies. Yes, you would hear one cry out every now and then but not the chaos you might expect. We saw their sleeping rooms, play areas, bath tubs, closet packed with clothing, the kitchen filled with the smell of lunch cooking….all as one would hope it would be. We saw some of the babies eating, some of the sleeping and several just lying in their beds or cribs. That is when I began to feel very overwhelmed, tired and confused. Yes, the children which ranged from 1 month old to 3 to 4 years old, were extremely well cared for! The only thing that stood out about their care was the cold. It was a cold, mountain day. The rooms were cold and the babies hands were cold and their noses runny. It was time for us to move on and let them get to their daily routines.
I had trouble the rest of the day processing what I saw. This morning I have a little more insight. I felt very heavy and sad yesterday as I saw these children lying in their beds….some because it was rest time but some because they didn’t feel well. As I spoke to these children that were lying awake, even rubbed their cheeks, no smiles were present. There was not the sparkle in their eyes that most of us believe is natural for a baby. I believe most if not all, were covered with a blanket that did not move. There was no kicking, giggling, activity that I expected. I could only imagine when my children were little when I would walk in the room, they would look up, want to sit up, stand up, jump in the crib or get up. I could not believe the stillness! My heart was frozen with their empty stares! Where am I and what am I doing here? All last night I wondered what God was trying to tell me because I was very discouraged. This morning, words only Billy Graham can put together gave me some inspiration to continue and understand this journey we are on…
Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Billy Graham writes: “Never doubt that you are in the midst of a battle–a sprititual battle with Satan, who will do everything he can to discourage and defeat you. Never underestimate his determination or misunderstand his intentions. “
I realized that Satan was behind my feelings of fleeing yesterday. From Hebrews, I can be comforted to know that God will never leave me on this journey or forsake me but more importantly, I cannot leave nor forsake these children. I may not know my exact role but I must be a part of trying to help. So that is where I am today and where I am getting my strength. One day and one step at a time.
